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Break down ( hope final update!)

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Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by l!zzie on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:07 pm

Handled this stupid cancer until now like a big girl. Nobody wants this, nobody's fault, so deal with it! Head up L!zzie!

But now, a week after my first chemo, I'm still miserabel... Can't sleep again, pain everywhere and feeling bad. Feels like my body's falling apart, and this has to be done to be healthy again, which I hope I will be in the end!
This is only first treatment, there will be five more. I know they told me this is the most toughest chemo, but I thought I could handle this.
Now I'm scared and finally really sad about this.
I'm not so sure anymore I can handle this, I want to curl up and forget about everything.
But I can't, I have to keep going.
Sorry, feeling lonely (don't want to bother my hub and kids, they're asleep, it's 2 am) and sad, had to vent.


Last edited by l!zzie on Sun Jan 13, 2013 7:46 am; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by fesspenter on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:14 pm

Dear l!zzie:
Thank you so much for knowing that you can share your break down with us. I am rooting for you. Nobody knows how hard this is for you, except you. You do not have to be a hero every minute. Please vent with us, so you can go on during the day with your family. As low, and as sad as you feel now, you have the capacity to feel as high and as happy at another time. You just have to get through the next 30 seconds, and then the next 30 seconds, and then the next 30 seconds. Reward yourself. Hot bath. Candles. Book. FacePaintForum. You are not alone here.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by fesspenter on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:15 pm

Stupid cancer.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by martha on Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:15 pm

Please don't apologize for sharing. You don't have to be a big girl for us so just know we are here for you.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by PaintedFaces on Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:27 pm

Giant zen hugs from the other side of the world, L!zzie. Cancer sucks, chemo sucks, you have every right to feel put upon and miserable! We're glad you came on and vented.

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you. Do only what you absolutely must, everything else can go hang until this is over. I'm with fess... book, bath, chocolate if you're not too nauseous. Whatever it is that gets you through. If you want to curl up in the corner and cry, that's ok too.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by facesbybelle on Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:21 pm

The best thing you can do is talk about it and we're all here to listen.
You know the saying, "it gets harder before it gets better".... it sucks, but
Cancer doesn't care. So come visit the forum and get all the positive energy and support you need to fight and win the battle.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by l!zzie on Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:27 pm

Thanks for being there, means a lot!
It's still impossible to sleep, so I've left bed again and spooking through the house.
First night no pain, no nauseousness, nothing! Just my whole body's so agitated it can't find it's rest! Decided not to bother anymore, can't change it, this will be another night with no sleep. Go with the flow.
There will be new nights!
Lucky me FPF is 24/7 !!!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by facesbybelle on Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:37 pm

Yes it is. Smile So glad to know that at least the pain is gone. May tomorrow be another pain free day, in the meantime enjoy the forum. Smile
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by facesbybelle on Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:39 pm

I love going through all the topics slowly and really look forward to new pics makes me happy Very Happy
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by veelux on Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:19 pm

Sending positive energy your way Lizzie...I am happy you can find a bit of comfort here - you are among friends. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through but will send good thoughts. The new days and nights are ahead and you will begin to feel better, then you will realize that you are feeling better and you will smile. Our thoughts and prayers are with you Sweetheart.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by Miss Ronnie on Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:33 pm

We love you... and your courage to share with us. Feel free to share even the littlest fart with us if it makes you feel better. Laughing

Did I just say that?!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by Denise Cold on Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:37 pm

Can't say much but we are all wishing you health and recovery. That sick feeling must be miserable because there is no escaping it but just like giving birth I hope that the misery will be rewarded with new life at the end of the pain.

{{{{HUGS}}}}
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by l!zzie on Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:38 am

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
You made me giggle miss Ronnie!

Dawn has broken, and life's less black.
A new day, I'll see what it brings. I checked the medical instructions and if I have another bad night like this, I'll call hospital because it may be a side effect from medication I have to take to prevent inflammations!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by amylady222 on Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:08 am

You not bothering anyone! Please share here---We are praying and sending postive energy to you!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by Miss Ronnie on Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:55 am

How are you doing today, lizzie? I love you
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by amylady222 on Wed Sep 12, 2012 12:17 pm

I thought about you last night and like Miss Ronnie, just wanted to check on you.
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by l!zzie on Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:05 pm

That is so sweet of you!
Today was my first day feeling actually well! I could eat, had no pain, so this is a real gift! Still very tired, but that's ok!
Last night I slept a couple of hours, so I'm hoping things turn the right way now, and I'll be able to recover a bit and gain some weight before starting next chemo!
Thank you so much for supporting!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by martha on Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:29 pm

So glad to hear that you are having a good day!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by anniel on Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:48 pm

Me too, I agree with Martha, so glad the storm has passed!

Sorry I missed your first post, but will keep you in my prayers...(I'm a survivor--almost 30 years, changed my whole view on life!

Congratulations on the "gift", even though it's rough weathering it right now!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by TinafromNY on Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:15 am

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Keep fighting though and do it! It's only temporary. My brother (only 45) had colon cancer. He had to do 16 rounds of chemo, but it looks like he's cured and the side effects are slowly going away. I know other people that are OK now too, even after years. It'll be worth every awful moment. Stay positive, the mind has a lot to do with health. Thinking of you, Tina
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by Valerie A on Thu Sep 13, 2012 2:10 pm

Hi Lizzie,
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Things always seem so much more horrible in the middle of the night, especially when you can't get the sleep you need so very much. Can they give you something to help you sleep? I'm not big on sleep meds, but it seems like times like this might be a good time for them. Without enough sleep it is hard to deal with stress of the 'normal' kind...how much harder it must be when you are dealing with cancer.
Please take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by facesbybelle on Thu Sep 13, 2012 2:56 pm

Just wanted to check up on you and saw your post. You're feeling better! Makes me happy to come into this thread and see some good news Very Happy
Wishing you a sun shiny day sunny
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by l!zzie on Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:10 pm

And today another fine day!
Seems like my first post has been the famous 'darkest hour of the night before dawn'!
After that everything turned slowly to the better!
My brother visited me today, which made me also very happy, he lives two hours drive away from us.
sunny Day!
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by Miss Ronnie on Thu Sep 13, 2012 6:32 pm

Lots of hugs!!!! sunny
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

Post by michellesfantasyfaces on Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:02 am

so sorry to hear this, lizzie! try to keep up your spirit! it will be worth it in the end! [big hugs]
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Re: Break down ( hope final update!)

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