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Dishonest-what to do

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:52 pm

Thanks Doe--

the thing is we only fight about money and disneyland - I pray for strength for you because even when Divorce is good, it is still hard to do!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Doe on Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:56 pm

Well, the divorce was not my plan or my idea - but, after being abused for 15+ years, when he decided to walk out on us, I took it for the blessing it truly was. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Kammy on Mon Oct 08, 2012 1:04 pm

amylady222 wrote:Kammy-where do you live. Sounds silly, but I want to ride in a taxi before I die. Denver (the city I grew up by) didn't have very many when I was living there, and where I live the only taxi's that run are in a town 25 miles away and they only run from 10pm-3am and mostly for the bars.
I'm in Edinburgh, the capital of Scotland. Lottttts of taxis here. I live on a main road and usually use the buses, which are excellent here, but if I'm having difficulty with that then I have the taxi allowance to cover it so that I can still see friends, attend medical appointments or physio, etc. :-) They run 24/7 and every day of the year here.

It never occurred to me that someone in the western world might not ever have used a taxi! Isn't it strange, how much we can take for granted in life?
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Miss Ronnie on Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:01 pm

Oh me oh my.... that wasn't my meaning at all. I was just trying to clear up why I would post a post about brownies when you were asking for guidance. While it may feel wonderful for me not to have to answer to anyone anymore (except, of course, I STILL have to answer to my Mom & Dad!) I am still a single mother, sometimes VERY lonely, without a partner to face my "golden years" - so there is no happy medium I guess.

I've put myself in and taken myself out of debt without anyone else to blame or thank. You are in a marriage and there is no comparison to that. There are so many times when I think "If only I had someone..." but the truth is, the someones I had were all not accepting of my faults and wanted to edit me to fit their standards of the perfect women/wife. And when I didn't meet their expectations they went seeking greener pastures. That's probably why my ex just went through his 3rd divorce and I was only married once - to him. But hold on to what is good and make the best of what you have. Your husband will always find forgiveness in his heart as long as he has love in his heart for you.

It's tough to get into face painting and see all the wonderful products that are available but seem to be just out of reach when you first start out. But if you keep practicing and practicing you will improve ten-fold very quickly and you'll find yourself able to advertise and get gigs. Before long you should be able to pay for all the extras you find yourself wanting now.

I hope this situation irons out easy for you.

And I have been a Disney fanatic all of my life. I first went to Disneyland in Anaheim, California when I was 7 years old. I've been there many, many times - but not since 1989. The last time I was at Disneyworld I was 16 years old and they hadn't even built Epcot Center yet. I dreamed of the day when I could afford to take my son... but fell victim to rotten surgeries and recoveries that have prevented me from taking him. He's 16 now and the only way I could take him is if he pushed me around in a wheelchair because I could never walk around Disney on my bad leg. So where would the fun be for him?! As it stands, my son and I have never been on a vacation together - unless you count a weekend camping trip to a nearby State Park. Maybe you and I should start a tip jar specifically for Disney trips! LOL!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Doe on Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:10 pm

Ronnie, I had to do Disneyland in a wheelchair and it was still awesome. (except my ex was a real d'bag to me and yelled all the time, including the epic and famous argument after he parked me facing a wall and went to get a beer and then, after finding that I had [gasp] wheeled myself into the store screamed, "Why the F*** can't you stay where I parked you!?!") - you can still go on all the rides and have a blast.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Miss Ronnie on Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:15 pm

Will you push me around, Doe? 'Cause I REALLY want to go! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Facepainting by Tina on Mon Oct 08, 2012 2:55 pm

I say honesty is always the best policy!!! I would come clean...something like "Honey, we need to talk. I ordered some paints, and I kind of went overboard...hopefully you won't be too angry with me"

Then when he goes into the whole "I thought we agreed on the amount.....you weren't supposed to spent that much, etc...." Just keep nodding and saying "I know, you're right"....it's going to cost money to send it back too...so chances are he will just drop it. If you just apologize and say "you're right!" they usually quiet down. Only thing is, if you say sorry...you have to not repeat the behavior...or else that will mean you weren't really sorry!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Denise Cold on Mon Oct 08, 2012 7:19 pm

Well, I'm going to channel my husband here and tell you what he would say if I came to him with this "big ooops" (because it's sounds like a big oops for your and your family.)

First of all, no more spending...period...until these paints are completely paid off. That means you have to come up with about 5 parties before you think of buying anything else. [You have enough believe me...doesn't seem like it but you do.]

Second, I want you to advertise in all of the free places you can find. Craigslist, Gig Salad, community boards and volunteer to do some free face painting for the biggest charity in town that is high profile and only do it if they will advertise for you for your donation.

Third, put these paints to do use and paint yourself and go where mommies are and try to drum up business. Go to stores and see if they have any activities coming up. [I just traded my services for groceries! Wouldn't he love that!] Start thinking outside of the box and make some trades. [If hubby is gone a lot maybe you can trade yard work or handyman services for painting and get him some well deserved rest.]

Fourth, build up a website or somewhere like Facebook to post pictures and get people excited about your business. Get some photos by painting neighbor's kids. Now is a great time, right before Halloween. Print out some business cards. [Do you have a printer? I have a bunch of perforated sheets we got for free that I'll mail you.]

Fifth, always clear your purchases through Denise Cold because she would have told you NEVER BUY A WONDER PALLET [okay...I made that up, he wouldn't have said that, but still.]

Sixth, we live in a small town so you don't have to compete with the big painters out there. You are the best thing this small town has seen for face painting. You don't have to have a huge kit or the latest stuff.

Okay, now you've had the husband lecture...

So are you a face painter or is this a hobby? If it's a business then YOU (and not just your husband) has to treat it like a business. Inflows and outflows. Yes, it does cost some to start a face painting business but you should only buy IF you are going to do a face painting business...does that make sense? Why buy a boat if you ain't going to the lake?

You mentioned something about babysitting. Is there a drop-off daycare where you could trade painting for some child care? Maybe come in once a week and paint for an activity (use that dang Wonder Pallet) and they would watch your kids on the weekends?

You are an entrepreneur, even if it's an itty-bitty business it's still a business. I would check out some marketing books from the library. They might not have exactly the ideas you need but I bet they will spark some ideas. Think synergy, think trades, think "I have something that people want...I just have to let them know I'm here!"

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:17 pm

Tina--that is the hard part--I am pretty good at not spending money on the same thing, but I spend money on different things--BUT

I think I have figured out from this thread that it is the point that I have NO money that is ME money that is causing me to overspend when I want something. So I am going to try to let my hubby know for the next 6 months if we could keep about 100 in my account I feel like I could be more accountable because I won't be so worried I won't get anymore money for a while and binge on stuff.
Does that make sense--now I just need the time to tell him (he will be home on Friday night till early sunday morning)


DOE--I am so sorry and I am SO happy you are free from that. He sounds...um...lovely? ha ha ha---what a jerk!! happiest place on earth and he is dropping the F bomb after insulting you by parking you infront of a wall! You are not an animal and it sounds like he treated you worse than one.

Miss. Ronnie---also sounds like you got out of a hard/bad relationship!

I feel really blessed to not have to deal with these issues--not matter how frustrated I am about stuff in our marriage I don't deal with crap like that nor will I ever---when we first got married I told him the 1 hit rule---1 hit on anyone (physically or emotionally), in any form (flirting is also calling hitting on), and I was gone and I expect the same from him--he should leave me if I did that too.

I did hit him once when he scared the crap out of me, but it was instint and I litterally ran into his hand once and gave myself a bloody nose. He was sitting next to me with his arm propped up on a pillow and I turned to talk to him and smacked right into his hand. I told our friends - "Lucas gave me me a bloody nose once" and he replied "She ran into my hand!" and I smiled sweetly and said "isn't that what they all say?"

But I can joke about it because it is not real in our relationship and I literally pray for people who are in relationships like that, that they can find strength and support to leave that situation and make a better life. I think abusers should be forced to have their skin dyed purple so we all know who they are and can not date/marry them.
I went to post a picture of my husband and I can't find a recent picture of him. He donated his hair to locks of love last month and I don't have an "after" picture! I will take one this weekend and post it soon. I would post a family picture, but Luke has been out of town for our last 3 family pictures--maybe this year!

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:26 pm

Denise you posted while I was writing! You sound just like my husband!!

I know all the answers, but maybe I just needed someone (YOU) to kick my butt in gear. I do know i have plenty of paint to last me a long time--I made my arty cake rainbow and black and white last 3 months before buying more paint and did a ton with just those two!

What is wrong with a wonder pallet?
I thought it looked like a way to get a lot of colors for the biggest bang, plus I could use them kind of as one strokes--

Painting for groceries---WHOA Brilliant--I am not thinking big enough!

There is NO daycare drop off in our area, but I bet I could trade facepainting for daycare *Smack forehead* (duh!)

We have business card paper (my husband is self employeed and has about three different business, we are always printing business cards), But THANK YOU SO MUCH for the offer!

Right now I don't feel "good" enough to charge people, but I just need to go and do it! I want this as a way to have me help with the money--groceries, gas, and now some ME money.

You guys are really amazing and supportive--I am reading a book and in it --it says to get a support group--I have about 3 good friends in the area, but two of them don't get along--so I really feel a good support without competion from you guys!! Thank!

After dinner while we watch a movie for my little ones Birthday--she turned 5 I will compose a business plan, with a good marketing plan! Thanks again!


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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:27 pm

Lets all plan on going to Disneyland in 2015--I will need that long to save up! Sounds fun to me!!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Denise Cold on Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:52 pm

BTW...I freakin' love Disneyland. Smile

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by martha on Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:57 pm

I have never been there but we are going n family vacation Dec. 2013 with grandkids. Looking forward to it.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by vegas mom on Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:41 am

I love the hubby thing a ma chigger. He's very supportive in my new hobby. I have been able to leave two great paying jobs to be able to stay home and raise my little girl. He does give me " spending" money every month since I lost my child support. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've spent on paints and supplies. Lets just say, fatmax, tent, silhouette for stencils, license. Now tent silhouette and all my paints have been bought with discounts as well as glitter and brushes.
If your household is tight on cash and your living paycheck to paycheck. I wouldn't buy anything else til you've paid off your supplies. As far as being honest about paint and supplies. Keep a log of what you've spent and show your hubby and then what you've made and give him the figures.
It's obviously bothering you or you wouldn't have posted it.
Good luck with whichever decision you make. And keep the chin up. 😄
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by vegas mom on Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:44 am

Ps love Disney. Going in December. We try to go every 3 months or so for 3-4 days. My son goes to college near there to we visit him and some other family too.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Denise Cold on Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:42 am

Wonder pallet and I go way back. I bought two for Emma and I and literally never used them. I just didn't like the paints in them from the very beginning...I now know it's because they are softer paints like Krylon and Paradise and I'm more of a TAG/Dfx/Wolfe kind of girl. Smile

If I'd known then what I know now, I would have sponged with them more....just got in there mixed around and sponged. I just don't think they are great for one-stroke or line work so use them for backgrounds and use the Wolfe for line work and details.

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:51 am

totally jealous! We live in Colorado, butI would go every year if my hubby wasn't so anti-Disney. I think he pushes harder against it because I push so hard for it!

Anyway--I did do a rough business plan tonight---so now I need to come up with a letter to introduce myself to the community. I am going to sent the letters to the bigger companies (and goverment companies)--along with any child based company and hope to start getting some connections. Honestly where I live it is all word of mouth and who you know - So going to put up flyers and talked to some people who work on Main Street in teh bigger town since afterschool on halloween the kids all go trick or treating to the stores. Since we only have 1 store (think 3 shelves with basics and two little fridges with cold items) I am not going to spend my time there-

Maybe I will offer the two restraunts in the town over (no restraunts in our town--and closes fast food place is 25 miles) to do a theme--Nothing gross for food--but maybe butterflys---I am already doing the 1st grade teacher make-up, but maybe I will offer a "school" theme and do the teachers up fast before school.

I am also going to make business cards and a 1/2 page flyer to send home to all the Prek-5th grade students (about 100 total).

I am also going to post in the large town 25 miles away -- every where I can find a bulletin board--plus the newspaper---maybe they will do a human interest story on me for halloween?!

Hhummm---I am going to try to have all of this in place and ready before next weekend so I can have a super business plan to present to the hubby! I would say this weekend, but we have out of town guests again! Not so thrilled about this one, but that is what happens when you buy the "family house"

Thanks again ladies You have no idea how helpful you have been!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:52 am

Denise--we must be on the same schedule, cause you posted again as I was typing. Since the wonder pallet is part of my secret purchase I haven't used it very much---I will play with them soon I hope.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Denise Cold on Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:43 am

I have to travel that much for jobs and I live in a pretty urban area but face painting is just catching on here. I don't like it but that's where the people are and especially people that hire face painters. Smile I'll travel up to an hour to be in a nice area with tippers...but I don't have small kids either but 25 miles isn't too bad. Smile

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Kammy on Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:30 am

Denise, you give great advice. I have a larger kit, BUT.....it's not secret, it's not bought on credit and I consider it an investment in my health (I craft and paint for pain distraction, among other things). If I get some parties or other gigs, then that's wonderful - but even if not, it's already earning its keep by being part of my pain management plans. Wink
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Caswell Designs FP on Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:42 am

Denise has given excellent advice.

A lot of this business is word of mouth, you really just have to get out there and jump into things in the beginning. Every little small town festival, talk with the library about coming in to paint when they have kids events, talk with the daycares and churches.
I sent a ton of emails out to people and organizations when I decided to set up shop here in our new duty station. Many people ignored me BUT I did get responses from a few back, and was able to work with them and start building up a client base from there.

I started my business four years ago while living in a very rural area. It was tough, and after expenses I really wasn't earning much but I did manage to get to a point where all purchases were covered by my earnings.
Sure, I had to charge less than the painters in the bigger city an hour away. I was told repeatedly that I needed to charge a lot more, but I had to find a good price point for the area I actually lived in. I did find that once I had a few festivals under my belt, and people in the area knew me and my work, that I was able to raise prices a bit and still work.
It's a different ball game now that I am in a high population area.

My money saving thing now is to not buy the tiny one strokes, but get the bigger equivalent rainbow cake and cut a tiny slice of each color off at one end, squish them together to make a one stroke. Sounds silly, and probably is, but the price is almost the same for the larger rainbow cake as a one stroke, and I can then use it for several different purposes.
I also, on my last big order, got a number of the 2 color splits to use to make some splits and also refill some one strokes that had worn down in the middle.
I too spent way too much with my recent order, but was so happy to be able to use my own business money and not dip into the family account. It feels really good to be earning my own, since I quit working when our daughter was born 13 years ago. I had always done odd jobs, like baby sitting or reselling items on ebay to make a little, but this is different.

Oh, huge Disney fan here. We just had our first trip to Disneyland this last summer! So much fun, and we are Disneyworld veterans. Just love it.
For those with mobility issues, they are the most accessible parks in the country. I know so many people who take their kids because of how friendly they are to those with disabilities or mobility issues.
My own mom uses a scooter because she can't walk or stand for periods of time, and has never had an issue at Disneyworld.
If you are on a budget and looking to go, you can often rent rooms from timeshare owners for cheap. Always happy to talk Disney!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by TinafromNY on Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:23 am

Hi Amy,

Hope you won't take this advice as judgemental or anything...it's not.. I've been poor different times in my life and also overspent when I didn't have it. I'm just trying to help. I don't think the most important thing right now is whether or not you tell your husband, although basically I agree that he should probably know. But reading all the posts, it does seem like you might have a spending problem, as you overspent right after you got out of debt and you admitted it was your fault. Guilt and hiding purchases is also a symptom. Also you mentioned how you cant stop buying different things and also about planning for a Disney World trip again. It would probably be better to re-examine priorities to save a little nest egg before doing anything like vacations. I know sometimes, when we have little, it's hard to not throw caution to the wind and just splurge because we WANT to! That said, here are a few suggestions:
1. Maybe return some items you really didn't HAVE to have? The shipping back would be a small loss for getting your money back. Work with the smaller pallete you can while getting into the business, then reinvest some of each party into supplies and save the rest or put towards household. Maybe talk with your husband about the percentage you'll keep to reinvest. You said you weren't doing many parties yet, so just work with a small multi color pallette, a few brushes and a poof bottle of glitter until you can get a party and start reinvesting to build a bigger kit.
2. As I read one of your last posts, I was already thinking you should take a trip to some larger towns, try to get bookings, even if you have to charge an extra "travel charge". You have to go where the work is. One or two extra parties will more than make up for what you overspent.
3. Practice all the time...the better you get, the better your pictures look, the easier you'll get parties.
4. IF you must spend, try spending on something that will REALLY help you, like a business website. I bought a Yahoo business website for only about $70, which included everything like name, hosting, etc. I got a party, from it,the first week, which MORE than paid for the website
5. Put a free ad on Craigs list and Gig Salad. I get parties from them every once in a while. Advertise anywhere you can for free, like Manta, Yahoo listings, etc.
6. Charge as much as you can get, then maybe print a 10% off coupon to entice people to book NOW.
7. Let your husband in on how your business is prograssing. Ask for his support and suggestions. He may be more willing to support it if he feels involved.
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by Valerie A on Tue Oct 09, 2012 1:04 pm

cheers Amy!!
Lots of good advice here, and you've really taken it to heart with your business plan! (and your kit could be a tax write off yet! Wink )
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by amylady222 on Sat Oct 13, 2012 5:00 pm

I swear I responded to this--but it isn't here so....

Valerie--I am excited about my business plan and I am still working on it.

Caswell--Sounds like you are doing great! Way to go! Disney is a love of mine!!


TinaNY--
I think that I do have a binge spending problem. Since he is self employeed (most of the time) when we do have money come in I like to catch up on stuff--Groceries, household needs, and yes sometimes even stuff for me....BUT I will say on most months for our family of 4 1/2 I only spend about 200 US dollars on food and I almost never spend over 150 on clothes for ALL of us through out the year---If it is not on sale or at a thrift store, I don't get it. So really I am pretty good at spending as little as possible.
The whole credit card thing was to get to disney and I put the months bills on a Disney card only to not pay it all off at the end of the month, which is where the debt came in.

My mom is paying for the Disney trip--I only have to provide food for my family---she is paying for flighs, tickets, and a little spending money...so I think that is something I can't beat!

I am going to look into my spending habits and talk to my hubby about them.

1. I am not returning my stuff because I really feel I have a bare bones kit. I also have a few things in the works coming up and I hope they will be able to get me closer to making money and paying off what I spent (which is actually already paid off, but ya know what I mean!). I do have at least 2 things that I don't really like and will be selling soon--so maybe that will bring me $20 or so---

2. The bigger town is where the money is--I am trying to set up with the private (rich) schhol a face paint booth for their school halloween party. starting to think outside the box and putting things in order.

3. practice is a double edge sword--more I ractice the less paints I have for when I get actual gigs...but I am anyway!

4. I feel like I am set up for a ong while and I have no need/desire to order anything else hopefully till the $$ comes in.

5. I did place an ad in our area's free posts and I am working on flyers to start posting!

6. I am asking for as much as I feel people in this area can afford and when I get better, I will ask for even more!

7. I am not sure he is interested--tried to get him to help, he wasn' overly interested.

THANKS!
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Re: Dishonest-what to do

Post by JennyNixe on Sat Oct 20, 2012 11:24 pm

Amy, I'm really new to face painting, but I've been married for 20 years, so I know something about this particular issue. All adults need money of their own, money that they do not have to be accountable to anyone for. Maybe when you're really broke, it's only $5 a month for a couple of sodas or a lip gloss. Maybe when there's plenty of money, it's several hundred dollars or more.

I'm a stay at home mom, too. Thanks to circumstances that I won't go into here, I also have my own income. But even if I didn't, I would expect pocket money/allowance every month, because I contribute as much to this household as my working husband does. The cost of the services I provide (everything from cleaning and cooking to personal assisting) would be well over $75K a year if he had to buy them. When my husband wants a new book, or McDonalds for lunch, he gets it. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to do the same.

Maybe part of the reason you spent the money (instead of discussing it ahead of time) is that you're responding to your husband's controlling attitude about finances. The Disneycard thing was a mistake, for sure, but giving up birthdays and Christmas for three years? You've paid off the debt, you've learned your lesson, so what's the point? To punish you? Your husband shouldn't be in that position. Getting out of debt is admirable, and having savings for retirement and rainy days is important. But everything in life is a balance. Some people get a great deal of security and comfort from saving every penny. For others, money is only important because of the things it can buy. Both attitudes are healthy in moderation.

It's really easy for us SAHMs to put our own interests aside and to discount our contributions. But you're an equally important adult in your relationship, and you deserve an equal say about money and funds of your own. Once you have those things, I bet this problem won't recur.

Just my dos pesos.


Last edited by JennyNixe on Sat Oct 20, 2012 11:27 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Left out a word)
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JennyNixe

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Re: Dishonest-what to do

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