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Why I haven't been around

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Why I haven't been around

Post by IamGinaW on Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:58 pm

My husband Clay and I have been together for 17 years and married for 10 years. He was a Marriage and Family Therapist and all around good guy. He was in Rotary club, where he volunteered many hours and was past president (2007.) He was soccer coach and T-ball coach for my kids’ teams. Three years ago both his parents passed away and he inherited some money. He must have gotten addicted to spending money and being the “good provider” for me and the kids because he spent a lot and didn’t keep me informed on anything financial. As a matter of fact, he would get all grumpy and evasive if I tried to talk to him about money. Apparently, his practice started going down hill months ago and he wasn’t making much income. So on November 16th, I slept in and the kids got up and were watching TV. He got up and left the house without saying anything to the kids or me. I found out that night when the police came to my door to serve a warrant, that he had been arrested that morning for armed robbery of a bank. That, by the way, was only a block from the police station. He had no criminal record and was always a bit of a goody-two-shoes. He never smoked anything in his life, was never drunk, and never took any illegal drugs. It was all over the news by Monday morning. They were outside on my front porch with cameras trying to get interviews with the neighbors and me. He was in jail for a month before a friend of his bailed him out. Well, the friend put a down payment on the bail fee and Clay and I signed for the rest to be paid in monthly payments. He asked me if it would be better if he didn’t live with us when he got out. So, he moved into our RV and parked it at a friend’s house about 20 minutes drive away. We were flat broke and no longer had ANY income from him. My friends helped me pack and move out of our nice 2-story 3 bedroom 3 bathroom house because we couldn’t afford the rent. Clay put out an email asking if anyone had a place for us to live and a very nice family said they had a local “casita” available. So, since the beginning of January, I have been living with my 2 kids (ages 9 and 6) in one room with one bed, a bathroom and a closet. It is detached from the main house so we often go into the main house for dinner. All of our stuff was either sold or is in storage. My kids don't want to hang out with the kids that live in the main house.

Clay’s plan was to start some sober living homes with a guy who has experience with that and be able to make money while out on bail to both provide for us and pay for a really good defense attorney. The thing is, he was caught running from the bank with a gun, a mask and bags of money so it wasn’t a matter of “was he the guy that did it?” Anyway, he told me he was driving up to Big Sur to check out possible places for a sober living home. It’s about 3 hours drive from here on some very beautiful winding roads by the ocean. He left Saturday morning Feburary 1st and I hadn’t heard from him Sunday except a Facebook post at how expensive gas is up there. He also made a youtube video about his life Saturday night. He said it was one of a series. Anyway, I got a text from my former next door neighbor that the police had been by asking for me. I thought it was weird but told her to go ahead and give them my number. Later, I got a call from the friend who’s house he was staying at (in the RV) asking if I had heard from Clay. She said that there was a news report of a man who crashed an RV off a 600 foot cliff at Ragged Point which is near Big Sur, on the way home from there. I thought back about the police trying to find me and that’s when I knew it was him. I started having the worst anxiety attack I’ve ever had. I called my friend who came over and got the kids. Then my friend came back and by that time the police had called me to ask if the kids were with me. I found out later that one of my best friend’s ex-husband was a first responder (fire fighter) to the crash. He had identified the body and told them we had kids. Even though we weren’t having the best/closest relationship the last few months, I still loved him immensely and would have never stopped. It hurts worse than anything else that has ever happened to me. The good thing is that both of us have been active in the community trying to help people in need so I’ve had a huge amount of support from people in the community and from other places that have known Clay throughout his life, and I’ve already been trying to plan to take care of myself and the kids on my own.

The memorial service was Friday (2/21). I worked a party on Saturday.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Mellygee911 on Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:14 pm

Hi Gina,

I am new to the forum, but I wanted to express my condolences, and offer my support if you'd like a friend to talk to. Through the recent death of my brother, I know that sometimes loved ones make choices we don't agree with, but that doesn't diminish at all the love we have for them. It does certainly complicate the grieving process though.

Please know that I'm thinking of you, and that if you need a non-judgemental ear at any point, I'm here!
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by veelux on Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:49 pm

Oh Gina, I am very sorry to hear your story, and send prayers and hugs to you and your children, family and friends. Let your memories comfort you and give you strength to go forward.
Peace and Love Dear.
Vicky
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by fesspenter on Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:58 pm

Dear Gina:
I wish I had some wise words of advice.
I do not.
I can only say that I feel honoured that you shared your story with the Forum.
I am sending healing thoughts of support for you and your children.
xoxo
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by anniel on Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:59 pm

I am so very sorry that you've experienced this. Throuh it all, it is obvious that Clay loved you all very much and was trying to sort it out. I am praying for each one of you.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by maggie on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:14 am

Gina, I think about you and the kids often, wish I could give you a hug. I'm praying for you and your family.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by gypsy6974 on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:44 am

I am very sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I send my deepest sympathy.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by leapinglizards on Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:59 am

Gina, Wow! I am so sorry you and your family have gone through this. I send you all my good hopes and prayers for strength, healing, blessings and a much better rest of forever.

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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by PixiePaintrix on Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:02 am

I'm so sorry for everything you have had to go through... sending prayers to you and yours
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by thouartbeautiful on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:23 pm

I'm sorry for you loss and I hope you and your children can find healing and acceptance for his choices that have come to such a sad end. I hope he finds peace in his rest and that the blessed moments are what shines through. Having been through a loss that was shrouded in secrecy, it left a lot of anger, grief and lack of understanding that made the healing process take so much longer. I send you all hugs and love.

<3
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Creabella on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:59 pm

Oh djee Gina, what an incredible Story you had to tell us! I feel really shocked.
My deepest condoleances for your loss. And wishing you lots of strength in dealing with this all.
Sending you my prayers.

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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by DashClown on Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:08 pm

Prayers and best wishes to you and your children.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by FacepaintingByTanya on Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:37 pm

That's a really tragic story. Condolences and lots of positive thoughts towards you and your kids.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by l!zzie on Wed Feb 26, 2014 10:44 am

Oh.... My........
That's just so, so, so sad.....
It really is: Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans..

Sending you all warm hugs, Gina!!
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by wmeventservices on Wed Feb 26, 2014 12:44 pm

Oh my goodness Gina. MY heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine being in your situation. Please know you will be in my prayers. You have given tons to this forum. Please let us know if there is anything we can give back to you.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by MeeMee on Wed Feb 26, 2014 5:53 pm

Sending my condolences to you and your family. Every love have good memories and bad memories. May you find peace in the many good memories.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Miss Ronnie on Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:14 pm

Dear Gina,

I've typed and deleted, typed and deleted, typed and deleted.... just not finding the right words to say to you.

Then I realized: There are no right words. Words are only words. But the fact that you have this forum with lots of friends - most whom you've never met - and you shared with us, THAT speaks a million words. Thank you for sharing your unbelievable story. Consider yourself hugged tightly by myself and all of us who wish we could actually hug you in person, sit down with you and take your hand and let you know how we care.
 I love you 
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by TinafromNY on Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:53 pm

OMG, I couldn't even believe this when I read it, it sounds like something they make movies about. I'm soooo sorry for you and your children, having to deal with all this. Who knows what makes ordinary people suddenly do out of character, unbelievable things? It's obvious he was struggling with what he did to himself and his family. I hope you can rise above this someday soon and have a normal life again. My condolences again and I'll say a prayer for you.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by rthling on Sat Mar 01, 2014 2:04 pm

Rhonda pretty much said just what I've been thinking.
I've been thinking of you and your kids since you posted, praying for you, and wishing I could hug away this pain.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by TheGildedCat on Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:00 pm

Gina,

I don't have any words that are adequate, but you have my deepest sympathies. thank you for all that you have done for this face painting community, and you have my support, respect, and warmth in this tough time.
-Julie
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Psalmbook on Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:08 pm

Gina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you & your kids.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Affordable Face Magic on Mon Mar 10, 2014 11:37 pm

Gina, we met two years ago @ FABAIC & you are such a sweetheart. I haven't been on FPF too much lately, but believe me, the people here are a wonderful support system & sounding board.My heart aches for you & your kids. I'm glad you have them. As one of my friends said after losing her husband at a young age, "they make you get up in the morning & come home at night". I'm praying for you, but wish we could do more. Methinks you need some hugging….& so much more. Sending love.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by anniel on Fri Mar 14, 2014 3:47 pm

Just wanted to say that I hope you are doing ok. I'm praying for you.
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by Lacey's Faces on Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:25 pm

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids.
I am so glad you felt you could share this with your fpf family. I speak for all of us when i say whenever you need a ear to talk to, a hand to hold or anything else we are always here for you!
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Re: Why I haven't been around

Post by IamGinaW on Fri Mar 14, 2014 5:48 pm

OMG, talk about a great, supportive community and The Lord providing.... This awesome company (with an incredible owner) is donating labor and paint to re paint the interior of the new house we are moving into tomorrow!!! We will be able to get out of this one room "casita" and into a 3 bedroom house. The rent is over my current income but I am taking a leap of faith. Anyway, I would love to repay them just a little by getting them as many likes on Facebook as possible. THANKS!!

*****PLEASE click on the link and like the page!!*****

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stephen-James-Painting/197142096973954
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Re: Why I haven't been around

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