Just updated my website, feedback please!

I just updated my website and would appreciate any feedback you have to give.
I changed all my text to black, before it was blues and pinks. I thought it was too all-over-the-place. Also changed the page background to a more subdued look, hoping it would help my pics stand out a bit more.
I think I need to edit down the wordiness, but not sure what to take out.
Thanks in advance!
AboutFace Partyworks.com

Hiya,

Overall, very nice, but needs to be fine tuned, pics checked and lots of condensing. Love the background and pink you are using. Very easy on the eyes.

I will number these for ease:

Home Page:

1. AboutFace Partyworks on line by itself.
2. Not knowing your area, is it necessary to repeat KY for each city or can you just way it once or even not at all?
3. "Face painting is a proven crowd pleaser for every age, a safe and family friendly entertainment." is a run on sentence.
4. Is it neccessary to repeat the service areas?
5. I think you have too much for customers to read. This bottom area needs to be condensed and maybe put on its on page as "About Me"
6. Try to keep in mind that things like Heather and Mama Clown mean absolutely nothing to our customers.

Services Page
1. Way too much information. You seem to be repeating yourself a lot. You have your service are listed here for the third time. It looks like you have really thought through all of your policies. While great, don't scare your customers away with things like 50% deposit. This is scary for customers until they are sold.

Galleries:
You have A LOT of wonderful work here, but it is overwhelming. Try and pic out your best 10 face painting, 5 best tattoos and put them in one gallery. Always offer to email them more samples if needed.

You can aslo use the rockyou.com slideshows to show more samples in a small area. these are wonderful.

See mine at : http://swirlycurls.com/Gallery.html

Upcoming Events page
1. Again, you have now listed your service area for the 4th time.
2. Provide web links to public events
3. There is no reason to list private parties or events that the public isn't allowed. I know you are trying to show you are busy, but this could bite you in the butt if someone shows up at a business function only meant for the business.
4. Put the dates in order, they are all over the place.
5. Check your pics. You cannot see the tattoo in the beach pic.

Links page:

This could be a great place to do a link share with other businesses such as cake decorators, bouncy castle folks, petting zoos. I really don't think our customers are so interested in Snaz and Fabaic.

Hope I wasn't too harsh. Again, I applaud your bravery for putting it out there!

-Metina

I went back and changed a few things.

I had tried before taking out all the town names and Kentucky before, and when I did that I stopped coming up at the top of searches. I don't know why and am not tech savvy at all.
I did change the location of it on the page and will check to see if that affects search and ranking.

I am in a very rural area near Ft. Knox and face painting is not something seen in this area at all.

Hopefully the small changes I made help make the site better.
Thanks for the feedback.

Liz