Sorrow and Depression

I was a Vet Tech for 13 years, as a tech I came to be owned by 8 dogs all of them rescues. It's a lot of work taking care of 8 large dogs and alot of responsiability. As a child I was severly abused and had a hard time connecting and showing affection, animals opened that door for me. When I was 12 my father was told to get me a pet one of my own. I got to pick out a coal black shepard mix pup. He was everything to me. I loved for the first time in my life. He was killed by my school bus driver when he was a bit over a year, my father threw his body in the river. I never got to mourn him, I never got closure. When I was 35ish a client came in with 2 pups that had been pulled out of a storm drain during a heavy rain storm. One of the pups was the color of chocolate milk and mink brown, I held him and our eyes locked and a powerful sensation passed through me, a current a warm feeling. Now I already was owned by two great dogs. I knew that this was my beloved dog come back to me. After the exam and shots where over I cuddled the pup one last time and told the man I was going to kidnap him and handed the pup to him with tears in my eyes. I went into the bathroom at work and started shaking and crying, like I'd just lost something very special. I was in there trying to collect myself when another tech knocked on the door and said I had a call. I come out and take the phone and it was the wife of the man with the pups, she wanted to know if I was serious about wanting the pup as she has 4 kids and they could not afford two dogs. I said YES!! they brought him right back up and it was like a part of my soul was returned to me. That was almost 11 years ago. Hoggle is my son in fur and I love him with all my heart.
2 years ago I took in a pitbull mixed pup and had him nutered and shots and he became dog number 8 in our family. On Monday last week as we where walking the horse pasture a daily thing he attacked and nearly killed my beloved Hoggle. I tried everything to get him off and he would not let go of Hoggle's throat. I grabbed a brick and began bashing him over the head over and over and he still would not let go. Hoggle had stopped breathing and had let go his bowels, I threw myslef over Hoggle's body and was bitten all over my left arm and one last time I smashed the brick into the dogs eye and he let go and bit my leg. Then ran for the house. I ran and locked the gate behind him and rushed to Hoggle to find him standing. It was really bad.
I went in and locked the pup in a kennel and brought Hoggle in and washed him up to find a huge rip in his flank and tears in his neck and legs. I put the pup in a kennel in my truck loaded Hoggle and went to my Vet.
$600.00 later Hoggle is mending and my bruises are fading.I put the pup to sleep.
Now I have been so depressed and so sad so much guilt. I know putting that one to sleep was for the best, I'm protecting my other fur kids and my horse's, it hurts, and I miss him. I feel like I let him down. I just gave up on him.
The other problem is the $600.00 I just don't have it. I have them taking 100.00 a week but not sure how I'm going to find it when our belts are so tight as it is.
This feeling of hopelessness and loss is killing me and I can't stop crying.
I just needed to get this out, writing about it helps some. Thanks for listening.

I'm sure that we all go through similar situations in our lives. Know that we love you. God loves you too. You will be in my prayers. Hugs Helen

Shandi,
You are so sweet & careing for all those dogs(we also have a bit of a zoo in our house). I'm glad you & Hoggle are on the mend. I know it must have been tough putting down a healthy dog, but I understand why it had to be done. I'm praying for you & that the $ will come in for the vet bill. Remember how blessed you are w/ all those amazing animals you have!

That was quite a situation, my prayers and best wishes are with you - I cannot even begin to imagine something like that happening. I have 3 cats that I could not possibly love any more than I do, so I surely understand your compassion and love towards animals

(hugs)

Is there a restaurant near by? I only ask so that maybe you can tell the manager your story and perhaps be able to do gigs there and the tips will help (a pic of your doggy and the story with a note saying all tips go towards hoggles pet bills) or something like that.

BluAngL83 wrote:Is there a restaurant near by? I only ask so that maybe you can tell the manager your story and perhaps be able to do gigs there and the tips will help (a pic of your doggy and the story with a note saying all tips go towards hoggles pet bills) or something like that.

That is a great idea!!!

Shandi , my prayers and good thoughts are with you. Hugs..Miranda

I live in the middle of nowhere. A lady from a recent JAM told me to pack my kit and hit up a bar on Sat night and ask permission to paint. I may have no choice in the matter. Restaurants around here are rather difficult to persuade.
I sold about 200.00 of art work this week and all of that will go to the Vet bill, and I am so grateful for those sells, one buyer added 20.00 to go towards my Hoggle's bill. I was so touched I sent her a small gift when I shipped it today. I also sold some minor stuff on Zazzle but it's money and every penny counts.
This is what I do when I'm not face painting.
http://www.freewebs.com/thegreeneyedunicornstudio/

So sorry & sad for your loss. love & hugs to you

WoW! Shandi, Your sculptures are beautiful. I'd love to see a before & after pic of what the horses look like when you get them. Do you also make ren-fair costumes?

Maybe the vet can let you take care of some of the cost in trade? Do they do an open house or adoption day sort of thing? Or, maybe the vet has a kid? Might help take down some of the cost?

We're with you...

I used to work for the Vet that treated Hoggle, she and I don't see eye to eye. She's a good Doctor, we just rub each other the wrong way. I worked there about 6 months and it was all I could take. I have 13 years experiance and am very good at the job but my heart just isn't in it and I am so burned out.
I have to have faith that God will open some doors for me and that my art will continue to sell.

I'm sorry for your heartbreak, but thankful you and Hoggle are on the mend. I am praying for you both, and that God will make a way for the vet bills to be taken care of. It really does help to talk things out, don't let depression get you down too far, you have furry friends that depend on you! I checked out your site, you have an amazing talent! Beautiful, beautiful work!

You did the right choice about the pit. Do not feel bad about that, those dogs are unfortunately dangerous by nature. And that one tasted blood so he was now even more dangerous. You couldn't take the risk to keep him!

(just for information, pitbulls are unlawful in France)

Its a miracle that Hoggle and you were not more injured! I hope you both will feel better soon!

I'm so sorry to hear about this. We've had up to 5 dogs in the house at once and I know what you are going through. My husband and I are very experienced (and usually very successful) with handling many different breeds.

We had 2 females that went from best friends for 4 years to violent enemies. So violent that I had to make the decision to re-home one of them after 6 months of attempting to resolve the problem. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.

Dominance in dogs plays out in strange ways...all it takes is for one dog to give the wrong signal to another and a fight can break out. There are times when those fights are never resolved and the dogs can never be together again without fights, no matter what Cesar Millan says

I hope your pain and purse heal quickly!