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Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

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Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:20 am

So my 11 year old son is going to Illinois for two weeks to visit his dad and family. He leaves in 3 days. We have a very close relationship (my boy and i) because we have been through some pretty serious stuff together. We have never been apart. His dad usually comes up here to visit. At first I was really excited for him and for me (no fighting with his sister for two weeks, woohoo!) but as the day grows nearer, I am starting to freak out and cling to him pretty badly. I have no idea what I am going to do without our morning cuddle time and not only that, my two year old and him are attached at the hip. I mean they are BEST FRIENDS and practically spend every waking moment together. I have no idea how I am going to handle this. Every time I even think about him leaving I start to cry.
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by debranewmanart on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:05 pm

Just keep reminding youself that your goal is to grow an independent adult! Now is a good time for some independence.


Last edited by debranewmanart on Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Gamezgirl on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:21 pm

It will be hard for you...but independance is healthy...for both of you Smile I totally agree with the statement above mine. Good luck!
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by anniel on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:36 pm

Its good for him to know that you love him THAT much...He will remember this and it will be a touchstone in the rougher teen years to come, and he won't want to disappoint that love! (From a Mom of 12--been there!--a few times)
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Manabanana on Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:45 pm

awwhhh he is getting his wings. I am sure you did a fabulous job with him and thanks to you he will be able to make smart decisions. The girls will be ok, might hurt once he walks out the door, but he will be back.

I have an 11 year old stepson that lives with us every other weekend (Or pretty much even ever he wants to stop by) Our 3 year old daughter hates it whenever he has to go back to his Mom's but talks about cant wait to see him again and all the fun they will soon have. Then when he does come back it is a beautiful treat.

You will be fine. Hard....yes, but you will make it and he will love you forever for letting him be independent when he needs it.

Good Luck! Like a Star @ heaven flower
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:13 pm

Thanks, guys. Would you believe I welled up just reading these?

And Anneil.... 12 kids? How are you still sane? LOL
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Manabanana on Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:42 pm

And Anneil.... 12 kids? How are you still sane? LOL

I was thinking the same thing. I have 3 and they run circles around me. Smile

You must be a very strongwilled woman. Smile
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:44 pm

A braver woman than me, that's for sure!
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by anniel on Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:12 pm

I don't think I've ever really been sane....hehe
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by ChangingFaceDesigns on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:12 pm

Set up a special time for him to be abble to call you while he away. Eve if it's only for a few minutes...like your "secret closet" time. Not only will it help you but it will help him deal with missing you and being away from home.

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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by eva on Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:10 pm

I think I would die. I can't imagine my son leaving me for that long. Lots of prayers all day and night would be the only way. It's seperation anxiety, I get it too when my son leaves for any extended period of time. *Huggs* to you . Keep yourself busy momma
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Taradoodles on Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:26 pm

ooo Im starting to fret now! You mean LB wont always be right here clinging to my legs and climbing up my back?!
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by anniel on Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:30 pm

I agree totally with the prayers!

Short quick story: Had my fourth son working in Brazil helping to set up a school/home for street kids in the country (they were being targeted for drive-bys). He could not renew his visa any more & was scheduled to return to the US. I felt really burdened for him for several weeks, and kept shooting up prayers whenever I thought of him. "Unfortunately he missed his flight by 10 minutes. The flight he would've been on, had he been on time went down in the everglades, with no survivors. Prayer rocks!
It can be there when we can't!
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Taradoodles on Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:39 pm

wow. thats very scary. Crying or Very sad
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Thu Aug 04, 2011 8:44 am

Well the day has come. His father will be here at noon and they fly out at 5. I am NOT doing well. I am upset, angry, nauseous, nervous, sad and all around freaking the heck out. I should have just told him no when the idea was first presented.
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by helena on Thu Aug 04, 2011 12:17 pm

It will be okay. Take deep breaths and remember that you felt confident enough that he'd be okay at his dad's when the idea was first suggested, so when your emotions weren't in play, you made a decision you knew would be okay - that your son will be taken care of and that there'll be things he'll enjoy there. That it can be a special time for you and your daughter and little one.

It will be okay. (Just keep repeating that when the fear and anxiety arise)

Some ideas that might help lessen the initial separation blow - maybe make some little notes for him to open every day (or maybe each weekend, if 14 notes is a little much Smile ) or arrange for a webcam/skype/telephone session when he arrives there and then each night just before your little one goes to bed, so they can talk about their days (and you can) and say gnite to eachother.

Arrange special things (even if it's just an indoor picnic under a sheet) with your little ones - to keep you all busy and to share time together. You could even make up a calendar with your two year old marking off the days as they pass - leading until the day he comes back.

Above all, know that this will be an important part of your little boy growing up - a chance for him to be a little independent and discover who he is apart from you, as an individual... but that your love for eachother will only grow stronger and that you'll see eachother in a new and fresh way when you're reunited - an even deeper love and appreciation of being together Smile

I know there have been times when I've had to part with my kids (eg. last week they spend the whole week camping with my ex. - normally they're with me all the time.) and although we've missed eachother (which is a good thing - reveals the bond) I've noticed how they've benefited from the space from me and being in other surroundings - and the added appreciation they come back with.

Try to keep strong for your lad, so he doesn't get worried or feel guilty for leaving you...

Wishing you peace and comfort and trying to send you a huge cyber hug (((((((((((you))))))))))))


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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:04 am

Helena thank you for your kind words. Everyone else too.

Well I was very brave when he got on the plane. I was doing great until HE started to cry, then I cried and have been pretty much crying ever since. I hope I am not like this for the whole two weeks, good lord.
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Manabanana on Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:08 am

Good Luck and thinking of you! flower
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by helena on Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:45 am

I hope the sadness passes soon and that you have a fun time with your other children until he comes back

(still no hug icon?! Smile)
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Psalmbook on Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:15 pm

It'll be hard, but it'll be ok. When my hubby was stationed in Great Lakes, IL we still lived in FL & I would send my babies to visit him. It was scary putting them on an airplane, but they have the best memories from it.
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by JBM on Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:55 am

I hope it is going a bit better for you. I liked the idea above about a special calendar for your 2 yr old to tick off. Or do something special everyday like draw a picture together for your son that is away or collect rocks or something so your little one still gets time in the day devoted to his awesome big brother?

We live far away from family and so I made our 2yr old a special photo board and we talk about his grandparents and auntis and uncles all the time so they are still part of our lives even when absent. And when they call we put them on loudspeaker and whilst he doesn't always talk to them he likes to listen and nod. I dread the day we have to spend a night apart, whilst I know it is good for the kids I'm not sure it's good for the mums - really feeling 4 u Crying or Very sad
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by JBM on Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:39 am

Ok so I'm still playing internet - my little guy is sick and up all night at the moment so I've got him asleep on my lap and am at the point of randomly looking at blogs found this just then and thought it was pretty cool - change dad to brother and you got a cool project...
http://jandmseyecandy.blogspot.com/2011/06/fathers-day-gift-idea-tutorial.html
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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by Sparklyone on Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:29 pm

Big hugs and prayers for you from one mama to another! I love you flower Does your son have a cell phone where you can text/call each other every day? We mamas need to feel at peace that our kids are safe and that may be where your anxiety is rooted.

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Re: Thought I would handle this ok, but now I am not so sure

Post by MelodyFPL on Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:50 pm

Thursday can't come soon enough. The boy needs to come home. Every time I talk to him on the phone he is a little sassier and a little more of a turd each time. Seems like he is getting little structure there. Gonna be hard to get him back into shape in time for school. Grrr....
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