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Grrr...having such problems lately...

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Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by Britty on Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:47 pm

I haven't been posting that much, because well my computer got broken. I can no longer use the key board:( I haven't been painting that much which really stinks...It is such an outlet for me, and when I don't have the time I get so frustrated.

But what is really eating at me is I got into it with my mother in law. ( I know so typical, right?) Not really though we have always gotten along really well, until lately. She hasn't come to see my babies in a long time ( her grandbabies) I was so spoiled as a child my Nan was literally the greatest. I have a huge rude awakening when I had my children needless to say. I have gotten over it though. This week I asked her (very politely) if she could watch them today for me. She gave me the hugest attitude telling me she has her own life, and things to do. Which would be jusitifiable if I asked her everyday, but I DON'T because of the way she is.

My family is about an hour and a half away from me so she is really my only option when my regular sitter isn't around. I am just so sick of it. I feel like I am forcing her to see the babies... So I told her not to come around anymore unless she really just wants to see them with no other motives. I am so frustrated with it, and can't stop thinking about it.

ughhhh Mother in laws SUCK!

(sorry if any typos i'm so annoyed)
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Britty

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Re: Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by Tash on Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:31 pm

I feel your frustration.

My mum is ten hours drive away - all I have is my in laws and they are Portuguese, Catholic very old school and don't like strongly opinionated Aussie me.
I have battled with them since before my daughter was born, and after.
Now the relationship is very strained and the only reason there is even a relationship at all is because I want my daughter to have grandparents.
I wish my daughter had the loving grandparents I had - but what can you do - some people don't know how to love - they were never taught how.

I spend a lot of time giving my daughter extra love and teaching her how to love everyone around her.
I think you did the right thing giving her an ultimatum - you have to draw the line somewhere - and honestly if your kids never see her it's probably a good thing if she is as poisonous to you as it seems.

It was and still is a big deal for me to leave my daughter with my inlaws - they have done permanent damage to me and my relationship with their son plus taking the roof over our heads from us.... so I have had find strength I didn't know I had - to be the "better" person.
Good luck - I hope she sees the light and comes around soon to see your babies.
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Tash

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Re: Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by flopsietheclown on Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:55 pm

I'm sorry about this difficult situation, Brit. I can understand. My parents are over 500 miles away from here. My mother-in-law was the only one I trusted to watch my son for the longest time. She has been great but she lives about an hour away. I've been attending so many balloon, clown, and face painting workshops that I've been finding new babysitters in my wonderful network of moms in my community. I've made great friends through my moms club and found much needed support from everyone.
Stay strong and trust your gut. It is a delicate relationship and sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside for the good of your children. If you feel like things are getting worse, then maybe a cooling off period would be best. She will miss seeing them and want to do whatever it takes to mend fences. Best of luck with it.
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Re: Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by kat on Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:11 am

feels your pain, in the reverse...

We adopted (at birth) our son.
I just KNEW that my family would bend over backward to see him and be with him. Instead, my in-laws, who I thought would show a difference... have been the most fabulous grandparents anyone could ask for. bless them

I hope things soon work out for you.
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Re: Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by 1HappyNut on Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:56 am

In-laws can be so hard. I'm so sorry for your pain. I have wonderful in-laws, always willing to take care of or spend time with my daughter for absolutely no reason at all. But there are still issues. And other problems in the relationship outside of that. Flopsie (and everyone here) is right: it is a delicate relationship.
It is so much more difficult when you marry someone who's raised so differently than you were. My husband and I are the same race, and religion (non), etc. which is pure chance, not intentional.... just saying that even though we don't have larger issues of diversity to deal with, we were parented very differently. My family is open and forthright. His family WILL NOT deal with issues no matter WHAT (and there have been many). And Tash, I feel some of your pain as my in-laws too learn to deal with a straight-shooting (but polite/diplomatic hopefully) woman unafraid to speak her mind and stand behind her convictions.
It truly sucks that your MIL is being this way, and can't see that she's missing out... ON THEIR LIVES! But I learned a long time ago that family can be who you choose. Blood isn't always everything. My dad is a psychopath with sociopathic tendancies, a master manipulator, a verified stalker, and a suspected killer. (Overshare!) But what I mean to say is that I learned that there are a lot of people other than (blood-related) 'family' that can influence and greatly enhance you and your children's lives. I'm lucky to have had many.
I'm not an advocate for cutting family off, or breaking up familial relationships, but I also stand behind the fact that you have to let in the good and keep the bad at bay. If a relationship does more harm than good, it's time to reasses.
And just like flopsie said (wow, she's on fire tonight!), maybe a cooling off period will help.
Sucks either way though.
(((((Hugs)))))
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Re: Grrr...having such problems lately...

Post by Britty on Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:03 am

Thanks everyone! You guys are great...really I love it here. I am hoping that something breaks because I can't keep dealing with it. It is driving a wedge in between me and my husband, and I hate that she has that power. Last night he started comparing mothers to mothers, and family to family. I don't want it to get that way. Like I said my family lives too far away to even consider them helping out. (they would if they were here though) Something has to give in this though...I will keep you guys updated:)
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Britty

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